Everybody Won't Like You. And That's Actually Okay.Jan 23, 2021
We start learning from a young age about fitting in. We yearn to find a place we belong, a place where we can completely be ourselves and loved for it. Most us of don't grow up in that kind of place.
If you are one of the few who grew up in that kind of environment, you probably know how fortunate you are. I'm sure you are deeply grateful for the inner strength and confidence growing up fully accepted and loved as you are has given you.
For me, and for many others it wasn't that way. There are pressures to perform compared to siblings, pressures to change behaviours that are part of our nature, pressures to become someone we are not.
We want to belong. So we try to make the changes. We want to be loved so we develop habits that please others but not ourselves. We stuff our needs , feelings and dreams deep deep down inside until they are so small and so hidden we hardly, if at all, recognize them.
As children we cannot recognize the things we can now as adults.
I believe looking back that my mother did the best she knew how to do. That doesn't give me an excuse to repeat the patterns I was raised in.
I believe each of us has the responsibility to go further than our parents did. That can look like a lot of different things. From changing how we parent and raise our children, to eating habits or growing a legacy business.
When you know better, do better as it is said.
What I've come to realize are a few important lessons.
Our childhood is engrained in us. The patterns are deeply rooted in our subconscious to a place where we likely don't recognize them as optional- it is just "the way I am" or "how things are done" type of thinking. I have learned these patterns can be overcome.
I've come to learn it is better to be alone than to be in bad company. The power of our association is everything. Who I choose to surround myself with has an immediate and direct impact on the way I view the world and the reality of the world I live in.
While it isn't always easy to stand alone, sometimes it is the right thing to do.
The book "The Dream Giver" has it right. (Definitely Read this if you are trying to accomplish your dreams and cant understand why others around you don't seem supportive). Going after your dreams will cause those who are not to lash out. It isn't about you.
Signs are everywhere letting you know you are on the right path. How are you feeling? Are you happy now? Finding joy and gratitude in life as it is now is the key to having more good things come your way. Trust me, find the good, focus on it and more good will come your way. Replace any negative thought with a joyful one consistently and build this into a habit, your natural way of being.
Everybody isn't going to like you. Some people will be quiet about their dislike and carry on their way. Others will be loud about it. It will sting at times, yes. Sit with that sting. Reflect on it. Consider why it hurt. Possibly because even though unnecessary, there may be some truth.
Without emotion, extract any truth and consider if this is an area you would like to work on, to grow in. Make a plan and follow through. Above all be kind to yourself.
I promise you the day will come when instead of crushing you and tearing your heart out, those words that hateful people sling will make you smile. For me that day was today.
I read the comment and felt the pit grow in my stomach. The feeling no doubt they intended to elicit. The things they said could only have been from someone who was once close to me in my past, this now written from an anonymous style of account. Not long ago I would have been shattered. Because the things they said to me I have said to myself.
As the saying goes "They tried to bury you- They didn't know you were a seed."
I reflected on why I was hurt. Well of course, because human nature is that we want to be liked. Yet, everybody won't like you. And that is actually okay.
Today I journaled and processed. Reflected and smiled. Thought of the comment and sent love and peace to the sender. I can see they are truly and deeply hurting. It isn't about me.
Today, I envisioned my goals and I see all around me how they are coming to fruition. The universe has my back and I have been given my dreams for a reason- they are already mine, as yours already belong to you.
So everybody won't like you when you be yourself. You will LOVE yourself though. Truly, deeply and authentically.
When that happens, it won't matter if the others like you or spew hate. Grounded in peace and rooted in the truth of who you are, you will be unbreakable.
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